Deep dives. Side quests. Storytelling.
They say life always finds a way—and at this point in my life, I am starting to believe that our dreams will also find a way if we choose to embrace the opportunities that come to us and trust the guidance of something greater than our own understanding.
My childhood and teenage dreams found their way back to me in my most vulnerable moments, disguised as lifelong lessons in a stupid mobile game called Call of Dragons. It is kind of a crazy story. I will share the whole thing throughout this journey, but there are still so many details unfolding. Long story short, I have been one of the High Queens of Server 773, which is something I never actually planned. I started on Server 777, which I eventually escaped from with my former co-leader. She was the first person in a long time to see the hidden spark within me. She told me that she wanted to help rebuild me, and that taking on a leadership role in this game could help me regain the missing pieces of myself and rebuild my confidence after three years of misery and struggling with my mental health.
I wanted to quit for a season, but honestly, I have always been a complainer, not a quitter, so I kept going. I learned an incredible amount about human nature and about myself. I met many amazing—and not-so-amazing—people, but every one of them gave me something precious: a lifelong lesson.
And now, here I am, at the beginning of a new journey that has brought me back to my roots. I think I have always known who I am, but for a long time, the repetition of everyday life made me believe I was someone else. Beneath all the pain, boredom, and everything else, however, that spark was still there. I have found it again, and I am ready to shine.
This is my kind of leap of faith. I am honestly afraid to show people what is inside me. Not because I am a bad person, but because I have never felt appreciated for who I truly am. Whenever I tried to show what lay beneath the surface—what was really going on inside my mind—I was met with pushback. Not only was I misunderstood, but I was also called delusional and unrealistic. I became so used to hiding myself that even posting this text feels incredibly difficult. There is a reason why I call my mind a “rabbit hole.”
But I have started chasing my dreams again. I have a vision that could fill the next fifty years of my life. I am not rushing; I am building slowly. I am planting seeds and growing roots.
I dream of a small orange grove in Italy and a doctoral programme where I can write and research the subjects that interest me most: storytelling and gaming. I am also writing a novel that I would eventually like to turn into a game. As I started planning, I realised that even though this is a huge vision, everything within it is interconnected. All my plans and dreams support one another.
Starting to read research on narratives in games also made me question my identity. Am I really a writer, as I have always thought, or am I a storyteller, with each medium simply being a different playground? So, this is my comeback.
I am planning and not planning at the same time. I still do not know exactly how I will achieve my dreams, but I have realised that I do not need a perfect plan in order to begin. All I need is a vision and the courage to take the first step. Everything else can unfold along the journey.
I do not have to know exactly how I will get my orange grove in Italy, but I can start learning Italian today. I do not have to know how I will get into my dream university—or how I will pay for it—but I can start reading academic studies, getting to know the major authors in the field, and building connections. I do not need to know how I will publish my novel, but I can begin planning its world and start writing.
And I do not have to know how I will find my soul tribe—the people I can sit with on a porch in Italy, sharing a few glasses of Aperol Spritz and talking about the meaning of life. But I can make myself visible through this blog and give us the chance to find one another.
So, I am building slowly, step by step, and seeing where this journey leads me.
Dear reader, I am inviting you on a journey deep into the rabbit hole I call my mind.
Encyclia