Anger
Ngl, I am angry. Not a little angry.
But I’ve been waiting for this anger to show up. And I desperately needed it.
Because now I am finally ready to burn all this shit down.
I’m tired of being the forgiving one. The understanding one. The one who always looks for what she did wrong.
All the shit I’ve lost. All the pain I’ve felt. All the people who have let me down.
Because holy shit, if the people around me had kept even half of the fucking promises they made, I wouldn’t be here struggling now.
My entire plant collection is gone. My investments are gone. My company is gone. My friendships are gone. My relationships are gone.
Because I gave too much trust to promises instead of actions. To potential instead of actual effort.
But hey.
Burn.
Let it all fucking burn down finally. I don’t even want to see the ashes anymore.
If it burns, let it burn properly.
Because I am angry.
And I am out of fucks to give.
No more fucks to give anyone.
From today on, everyone has to decide whether they want to remain in my life and actually choose me or not.
No more in-between.
No more fucking half-in, half-out.
No more promises.
No more leeching off me.
All or nothing.
Ride or die. Or nothing.
I don’t need half-friendships or half-relationships anymore.
Fuck this shit. Seriously.
Fuck this shit where I always have to figure everything out alone or beg for help.
No. No more.
I am done with this. Forever.
I am always giving my whole heart. That is what I expect to receive in return.
We are either a team, or we are not.
Nothing in between.