Changing the Tides
I am constantly trying to rewire my nervous system. It is honestly extremely hard.
Not to react to the same things the same way. To be unbothered.
Knowing that every argument, every pain I feel, every hard situation is only temporary.
I don’t have to defend myself because it will pass.
And that I don’t have to worry about things that never actually happened.
I mean, I cannot tell you how many times I was afraid to send a message or tell someone how I felt. If you have read my previous texts, you may remember the guy we spiraled around each other for years. I still have so much regret. Really.
I was so afraid to tell him how I felt that I probably missed someone who could have been the love of my life.
I worried about something that never happened. Years later, I found out it could have worked. Of course, I have no clue whether it would have worked out in the long term, but I will never know. Because I worried about something that never happened.
And probably, in some way, I will always regret it, even if I have made peace with it. Because I have. It is what it is.
But it will always be a reminder of why I won’t dare to worry too much about things that never happened.
Because fear, anxiety, and worry create nothing but distance, pain, and missed opportunities.
I missed so many opportunities that were right in front of my eyes.
Because I worried about something that never happened...
And now I don’t only try to act despite my worry and my anxiety, but to weed out those feelings. To be unbothered. To not be afraid anymore.
It is hard work, but it is working.
And a quote that helped me with it:
"A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." — John A. Shedd
This is a lesson for me not to play it safe anymore. I was never meant to stay in a harbor...
It taught me that it is still okay to be afraid, but to do it anyway. Sometimes results, healing, trust, etc. come through experience, not before it.
And what also helps me keep going: my hesitation only benefits my competitors.
If I don’t go for it, if I don’t try, someone else will get it. Someone who may be less suitable, less talented, less pretty, less smart. Just because they were willing to try.
This motivated me to take those small steps that taught me to be unbothered. To care less. To worry less.
What happens if someone doesn’t like this blog?
Nothing.
What happens if someone doesn’t like my thoughts?
Nothing.
So I write as if I am the only one reading—because I am the only one I have to be enough for.
And I will keep trying and going after the things I want.
I either win or learn something.
There is no way I lose.