Even more flow
I just decided to revisit my novel, A fülemüle ködben dalol.
This will be the final version before I start looking for a publisher.
I know it might sound like perfectionism, but honestly, I have been writing this story for sixteen years. The idea first came to me when I was a teenager.
It deserves everything I have learned, everything I have experienced, before I finally let it go.
I didn't work on it for so many years only to give it anything less than my very best.
I don't have to rewrite it.
I just have to make some changes, rethink the timeline, deepen the characters, and spend more time thinking about the external forces shaping the story.
Because at the end of the day, it contains a huge conspiracy that still isn't developed deeply enough.
I used to think I had explored it thoroughly, but I recently realized that I had only scratched the surface.
It is fascinating how finally unlocking myself, my potential, and my creative flow seems to be changing my entire perspective on creativity.
I had been hiding so much potential, mental energy, and creative energy for such a long time.
I have made so much progress with this play in such a short period that I no longer have any doubts that I will be able to write it within two months.
I am not saying I will win the competition.
Honestly, that isn't even my goal.
My real goal is to challenge myself, rediscover what I am capable of, and learn.
Learning.
Learning.
Learning again.
And again.
Finally giving my understimulated brain the stimulation it has been craving.
That is probably one of the reasons why I can finally look at myself in the mirror differently.
I no longer see someone who is stuck and miserable.
I see someone dancing in her own power, unlocking all of her potential.
Someone who never actually needed to find her higher self, because she had been there all along—hidden behind fear and the expectations of the outside world.
I finally understand how I can keep myself working even after the initial motivation disappears.
How to keep giving myself new challenges that keep my brain engaged.
And finally, I understand that I don't have to work the way other people do.
Really.
I can listen to incredibly loud music, walk and dance around the room, read while I am moving, stand up to tidy something, and then come back to my computer when my thoughts are ready to be written down.
I don't have to force myself to do the same repetitive, boring task for hours in order to be productive.
I can jump in and out of different tasks, and by the end of the day I feel far more productive, far more satisfied, and far more motivated than I have ever felt in my life.
And what is also incredible is how I can regulate my flow through the music I am listening to.
I honestly love it.