Fear is fear
Funny stuff.
Many people honestly believe that I am fucking brave and decisive. That I'm not scared as fuck.
No.
I can be so terrified that I cry.
But I do it anyway.
Like getting my first dental implant.
I wanted it so badly because I wanted to live a full life. And for that, I needed teeth. Yep.
But I was so fucking scared that I cried. I wanted to have it done under general anesthesia, but it was so terribly expensive that I couldn't afford it.
I remember shaking and crying in front of the dentists. I even felt paralyzed. I wanted to run away.
But I went in.
I did it like a fuckin' hero.
One of the best decisions of my life.
Facing my fear instead of letting it control my decision.
Back then, I didn't think I was doing anything heroic. I felt so small, vulnerable, and scared. I also felt kind of ashamed that I was so afraid of it.
Now, years later, I am proud of myself. Because I know it was such an incredibly huge step that I have no words for it. I faced a fear that nearly paralyzed me, made me spiral for weeks, and got so bad that I almost threw up.
And I don't see it as something ridiculous anymore, either. Because fear is fear.
Whether the threat is real or not, the fear always is.