I Am Done with Apologizing
Plain. Text. Just me, the writer, and you, the reader.
That’s exactly why I chose this platform to write on. No aesthetics to distract from the depth of reading and understanding.
Don’t get me wrong—I like beautiful things too. But when it comes to writing, when it comes to trying to understand something, I prefer simplicity. Not everything needs to be pretty. Sometimes efficiency is what matters most.
It’s also incredibly easy to use. I don’t have to think about making everything look perfect, readable, or aesthetically pleasing. I can simply write. And I really appreciate that.
When it comes to my mind map, though… it’s more like a rainbow exploded.
It’s so complex that I use so many colors my eyes sometimes start to hurt. And that’s usually the moment I realize it’s time to simplify—to let go of the things that no longer serve me.
I dump every single thought related to my plans into it. Questions I need to think about. Decisions I have to make. Random ideas. Looking at it now, I think it’s basically a conversation between my current self and all the previous versions of me.
Some things become outdated without me even noticing because life unfolds new information or quietly closes a door in front of me.
And sometimes that mind map is incredibly useful because it reminds me that certain decisions still need to be made. Decisions I postponed because I didn’t have enough information, didn’t have enough time, or was simply too emotional to make them.
So yes, my mind map is an absolute mess.
But it’s my mess.
And I love it.
I don’t ever want to apologize for being wonderfully, terribly messy.
I love having ink all over my hands, glue somehow ending up on the tip of my nose, and all my tools scattered across my desk. I thrive in chaos.
But that chaos has its own order—an order that probably only I understand.
All my life I’ve been told to tidy everything up. To be more organized. That there’s only one right way to function.
And honestly?
That mindset burned me out.
I am messy.
I thrive in chaos.
And I’ve come to realize that this is part of the creative force within me.
So I’m done apologizing for that, too.