I am not a quitter
I am not a quitter—there were so many times when that was the only reason I stayed in the game.
That one day I would show all the people who once looked down on me who I actually am.
That yes, I can achieve whatever I want, however I want.
I had so many painful ups and downs. Searching for my purpose, wondering why bad things happened to me.
Why am I here?
Why do I exist?
So many existential crises that, at one point, I thought I probably wouldn't know when my midlife crisis started because my whole life had been one big crisis.
And now here I am again.
Rediscovering myself, trying to find out who I am when I don't wear masks.
Trying to understand this absolutely new emotional beginning.
And slowly I am arriving at calmer waters. An absolutely new beginning with a different way of approaching things and looking at life's events.
Finally, I made up my mind to buy an e-book reader. I will desperately need it for my studies. There are so many articles and books I will need to read that are not available in my country.
Every single day I am taking one or more steps toward my dreams. And every step counts—even the smallest ones. Even when I feel I did nothing, I still chose to move on, I still chose to face my demons, I still did something.
Not every step has to be huge.
But I have buckled up because I can feel in every part of my body that things will soon start moving faster. Just like when you spend months taking care of the seeds you planted. Days, weeks, and months pass by, and it seems like nothing is happening.
But deep down, the roots are growing, stabilizing, and preparing for the sprout to break through the soil.
Rapid growth.
All I need to do is consistently nurture them.
What makes everything harder is that there are so many things to do that I am afraid I will end up with decision paralysis. But I can't do everything at the same time. I need to prioritize.
Like starting my driving lessons. I have already enrolled in the theory course.
I need to finish my play.
I need to start that vlog.
I need to finalize my novel.
I need to start planning my games.
I need to figure out the topic of my PhD thesis.
I need to build connections.
I need a new language certificate.
Holy shit, it is not even fun to think about it.
Honestly, I am glad I didn't know how many things I would actually have to do to make this happen. I probably would have never started.