I don't believe in fairy tales anymore
What is actually really interesting about this journey is the self-awareness I have gained.
How much I want to build walls around myself after everything I realized about my dad.
How I want to hide forever and say, "OK, then I don’t want love in my life anymore. I can handle my own shit alone. It is not an issue."
Which is true.
I need no man to achieve what I want.
But still, after being broken a million times, this is not what my heart really desires.
It honestly desires love. A partnership based on mutual respect and the desire to build a life together. Passion. Shared goals. "Ding." Late-night conversations. Sitting in the same room, minding our own business for hours. Coming home to someone who values me every single day. Who chooses me every single day. Sitting in the car, driving to some crazy place, the music at full volume, singing together with joy. Excitement, curiosity, sharing ideas, experiences, "how to save the world" conversations.
So I cannot build those walls again that I spent months tearing down. They won’t protect me from anything.
I just don’t believe it is something available to me anymore.
I don’t believe in fairy tales anymore.