I finally start to make sense
OK, it is getting really funny at this point how this ADHD thing makes sense of my whole life.
I mean, I could never explain to anybody why me throwing a tennis ball against the wall while we are talking means that I am actually focusing on them more. So I masked it. I acted like I was "normal," but it drained me much more than necessary.
And my hyperfocus. If I do something, then I really do it. I do it in a way that makes me want to kill the person who interrupts my flow.
I would just grab a rock and throw it at their head.
My creative flow is something so sacred, and something people never respected. They didn’t realize how important and magical it is. Like, I mean, you don’t interrupt a surfer while they are riding the waves with daily stuff like washing the dishes. Then why is it so important to interrupt me?
It is so incredibly hard to get back to that wave again.
I mean, those dishes will still be there in one, two, or three hours. They won’t run away. At least I have never seen plates walking around the house...
Hell... this is how short stories are born in my head out of nowhere.
I just saw a short story competition yesterday about freedom. Any kind of freedom.
I started writing a story about the raccoon that wanted to get down the rabbit hole.
But honestly, dirty dishes trying to run away from the dishwasher would also fit this topic perfectly.
No, don’t worry, I’m not taking anything to get these ideas. I’m just addicted to caffeine, nothing more.
And finally, I understand why it triggers me so much when people try to tell me what I should do.
I already KNOW what I should do.
I’m not dumb, Captain Obvious. Believe me, I have probably been spiraling around it for four weeks already. I have read every single article possible. I have even deep-dived into the deepest corners of Google.
I mean, I graduated with top marks in my master’s degree, I learned 400–500 pages of pure history books in one week, I wrote a novel, and after talking to you for two hours, I will probably figure out why you can’t find a partner just by watching how you behave and talk.
Of course, the answer "use a planner" is not going to be my breakthrough.
If you really want to help me:
Challenge me. Tell me I can’t tidy the whole fucking house in 60 minutes—and that by the end of those 60 minutes, you’ll be able to eat off the floor.
Bring the craziest idea to the table. One that even Google would be ashamed of. One that doesn’t make sense to you. Maybe that’s something I have never thought about before.
Aaand what I absolutely hate is when people tell me that I shouldn’t talk to X, Y, or Z.
I know exactly what the flaws of X, Y, and Z are, but what you don’t see is what’s behind their behaviour. I know that most people are not bad or evil, and that behind those weird behaviours there is often a very interesting, kind, and loving person. You just have to see beneath the surface.
Which most people miss.
But I don’t.
So thank you, but I probably know much more about X, Y, and Z than you do. You don’t need to protect me from them.
How many times have I become friends with people nobody understood just because I listened?
Actually, somehow they have always been the most interesting and influential connections in my life.
It is what it is.
Finally, my life starts to make sense.
This rabbit hole is the funniest place I can imagine.