Instincts
It is interesting how sometimes the feeling of being stuck comes from asking the wrong question.
I was asked, Why Italy? Why Italy?
Yes, I had my answers.
Some asked, Why not Spain instead?
But that wasn't the right question either. It didn't matter.
But no one had ever pushed me out of my comfort zone before to make me actually think. No one had pushed me beyond my limiting beliefs and hidden self-esteem issues.
What if all the things I have ever wanted and looked for are somewhere else?
Absolutely, 100% outside of my comfort zone?
On a continent, in a country that has never even crossed my mind?
What if my way of thinking and how I view the world only seem extremely different here? What if I need to get out not only of this country but of this whole continent to find the mindset I need?
What if the unapologetic, authentic, raw, and honest version of myself could actually fit in somewhere else?
What if the thought that I cannot really fit in anywhere also comes from a limiting belief, a fear? What if I don't fit into this culture, but I would fit in somewhere else? In a different culture?
And then came the question: Who am I?
Or...
Who do I want to be?
Do I really want a calm life, sitting on a beach, drinking Aperol Spritz?
Because I want freedom. That's true.
I. Want. Freedom.
But is it the freedom I am looking for?
Or...
Is there something else deep inside?
Something that is raw. Something that is instinctive.
Am I really that calm, peaceful person I thought I was, or is that a mask as well, one I wear to fit into a society that was never meant to be mine?
These questions have opened an entirely new horizon...