Let's Dig that Rabbit Hole
Ok, with this post we're starting to dig deep into that rabbit hole, simply because it's there.
I'm delusional enough to believe in some kind of spirituality. I mean, my journey in this cursed game, Call of Dragons, made me question my entire existence and everything I thought I knew about how the world actually works.
But I'm materialistic enough to know that you shouldn't believe everything you see.
Still, I really like the idea that all possible realities exist around us, and that we get to choose which one we want to live in. Real life just needs a little time to catch up. At least that's how I see it—with all the limitations and little doubts that come with living a comfortable Western life. Since I don't have to worry about survival or war, I have the privilege of thinking about these kinds of things.
But let's get back to the point.
I have the privilege of thinking about my own mind—how it works and how it shapes the space around it.
Everything starts with believing that something is available to you. That you simply have to become the version of yourself who already has it.
I've seen this kind of "delulu" advice where people tell you to spend money as if you were already rich, and then you'll magically attract more money. If it actually worked like that, I'd be ridiculously wealthy by now.
I think it's much more about getting out of survival mode and changing the way you think.
If you have €300 to spend on anything, you can look at it in two completely different ways.
I ONLY have €300. It's enough for nothing. I'll just buy something stupid because it doesn't make any difference anyway.
I have €300. I can pay for a language course and invest in my mind, and maybe that will lead me somewhere completely different.
See the difference?
One sees lack. The other sees possibility.
The person who sees possibility, who finds joy in the small, the free, the inexpensive, will eventually find a way to use those things to their advantage.
The other won't. They'll stay exactly where they are.
The same applies to relationships.
If you believe you don't deserve the relationship you truly want, you'll sabotage it in every possible way—even if that person has been knocking on your door for months.
You don't even have to consciously believe you don't deserve it.
These beliefs live deep in the unconscious mind. And if you refuse to face them, they'll keep buzzing in the background like a mosquito on a summer night.
Have you ever noticed that what you believe about yourself—and what you think you deserve—determines the kind of people you attract and the kind of people you listen to?
I used to attract these emotional vampires. They loved being around me because they could feed on my energy. I was fun, humorous, full of life, and I genuinely enjoyed helping people and listening to them.
The problem was that my boundaries weren't strong enough to keep them out.
Interestingly, ever since I strengthened those boundaries, those people have stopped finding me.
Some people are leaving my life, and I'm leaving others behind.
It is what it is.
Sooner or later I'll find the kind of people I truly want in my life—my soul tribe—because I've become the version of myself those people will naturally enjoy being around.
And I'll start noticing and seeking out the opportunities to meet them.
So what I'm really trying to say is this:
There is a reality where I stayed the same depressed version of myself—the one who would never have written this post because she was far too afraid of what people would think about her "delulu."
But the decisions I made months ago led me to this version of myself.
The one who no longer minds showing her delulu because she knows that's the best way to find all the other delulus.
These were the kinds of thoughts I was having at 2 a.m. instead of sleeping.
And once again, everything feels interconnected, which made me reflect on the choice-driven game I want to create.
What if the choices players make aren't just actions?
What if they're actually choosing what the character believes about themselves?
How could changing those beliefs change the entire outcome of the story?
That makes the whole concept even more interesting and exciting.
And at the same time, it makes me question everything I want the game to achieve.
So I guess what I actually wanted to say, underneath all this mess, is that there are countless possibilities surrounding us.
What we eventually achieve is heavily influenced by whether we believe those possibilities are available to us or not.
It takes time. It takes conscious effort to rewire our brains and change the way we see ourselves.
And it all starts with one decision:
I choose to believe it's possible.
Then you keep choosing it.
Use whatever helps strengthen that belief.
Tarot cards. Coffee readings. Talking to yourself in the mirror. Whatever works for you.
Keep feeding that belief until that version of yourself no longer feels imaginary.
It simply becomes your truth.