Men Can Feel
I wanted to take a short nap because I am tired as hell from the pain. Tooth removal is no fun.
And then my dad came to mind.
It is really interesting because I thought that after my breakdown I was finally done with all of this.
But it seems like I will never truly be done.
I never really wrote about it because I was focusing on myself, my healing, and my creative journey.
But the truth is, I carry the mental health of men close to my heart.
Maybe that is why emotionally and mentally broken men always seem to find me and enjoy my presence.
Because it feels safe to be emotional around me.
I think it is complete bullshit that men are expected to be strong all the time.
That they cannot cry.
That they cannot struggle with heavy emotions.
I hate hearing little boys being told that crying is only for the weak.
Or for girls.
It is fucking untrue.
Crying is one of the ways the nervous system releases emotional overload.
Those emotions have to leave the body somehow.
That is why so many men become overwhelmed, aggressive, angry, or anxious.
Because those are often the only emotions society allows them to express.
When in reality, they feel the same emotions women do.
Fear.
Love.
Pain.
Sadness.
Disappointment.
They struggle with insecurity.
With judgment.
With the fear of rejection.
Many times, the man who looks the happiest, the most confident, and the most put together is carrying the deepest pain.
The greatest sadness.
The heaviest burdens he was never meant to carry.
And now that I have finally been able to let go of so much of my own pain and anger, I can finally see the broken man behind my father.
No.
That will never change how much he hurt me.
Or how deeply his actions affected my life.
But I also know he wasn't like that because he wanted to be.
He carried burdens his whole life.
He never learned how to show love.
He was never taught how to carry overwhelming emotions.
He was never taught that it was okay to:
- be afraid
- be sad
- feel like the world was too heavy to carry
- ask for help
- say, "I fucked up, but I want to make it right."
- feel insecure
- be vulnerable
- cry
He always searched for emotional security in women like me—women who carried his emotional burden for him because he never learned how to carry it himself.
Because of the way his mother treated him.
Because his father left him.
Because he spent his whole life sabotaging himself after never being taught that he was worthy of love.
Or of loving himself.
And that is how he ended up with three broken families.
And left me behind with all of my own wounds.
Guys...
If you are reading this...
Please know that it is okay to feel.
It is okay to talk about your feelings.
Asking for help is not weakness.
It is strength.
And never let anyone convince you otherwise.
It is okay not to feel confident all the time.
It is okay to feel insecure.
It is okay to tell your partner what you need and what you want.
It is okay to stop wearing masks and simply be yourself.
And never settle for less.
Choose the woman who encourages you to grow while loving you exactly as you are.
For I'm alright and put together Who I am and what you see Are worlds apart, too far to measure
Still you stayed up Lit my way up Unafraid of...
All of my days and all of my nights And all of my pain and all of my pride And all of my flaws and all of my lies And all of my wrongs I'll never get right Need all of your holy loving I ain't ever really want for nothing but you All of my days and all of my nights And all of my pain and all of my pride And all of my sins and all of your grace All of those things that I cannot change
(Cameron Whitcomb – "Want for Nothing")
Because this world doesn't need more pride.
Or more fake confidence.
Or more unresolved pain hidden behind masks.
It needs more love.
More softness.
More emotions that are allowed to flow.
Yes.
Men can feel.
Men need to feel.
Not only anger.
Not only pressure.
The world would be a much kinder place if we stopped expecting men not to feel.
Because they do.
And many times...
They feel far more than they ever let anyone see.