More Anger
Funny because I found some more anger deep inside.
Very deep.
I almost didn’t recognize it – it was just triggered.
And yes, I am angry.
Because I am tired of showing less of myself than who I actually am.
I have never been shy – when I entered a room, I had to read and analyze people to figure out how small I had to make myself so they could handle my presence.
Don’t be too smart.
Don’t be too intelligent.
Don’t be too bold.
Don’t be so rational.
Don’t be too educated.
These are not feminine enough. You are a woman, so:
Be small.
Be humble.
Be kind.
Everybody’s abandonment issues are your problem.
Be emotional BUT do not dare to cry or be angry – they are not feminine.
Be soft.
Bitches, sorry, I don’t give a fuck anymore.
I am not a fuckin’ teddy bear to be soft.
Don’t like my opinion? – Feel free not to talk to me.
Don’t like facts? – I am not here to care about your feelings but to check the truth.
Feel free to walk out of my life instead of telling me how I should act.
I ain’t have time for that.
Oh, and for God’s sake, do not waste my fuckin’ time when you have a problem with me by wrapping it in a sugary coat. I ain’t have time for that either.
You tell me → I know there is a problem → we can work on it or leave each other.
No one pays me to analyze what’s wrong or what unhealed wound I accidentally touched.
My goal is never to hurt.
But truth and facts have no feelings.
Why do I have to make myself small so others feel comfortable?
Why can’t I show my knowledge, my abilities, the things I am proud of – so others don’t feel small in my presence?
Why can’t I show my confidence? Why can’t I know my self-worth AND be humble enough to know that I don’t know everything?
Why does confidence have to mean that I am not humble?
Why does confidence have to mean that I think I know everything?
Why do I have to show myself less so people feel comfortable?
Why can’t I show my achievements that I am proud of?
Why do I have to be someone who I have never been?
It is not my issue that some people couldn’t finish university, or couldn’t achieve this or that, or create something.
I could.
And I can achieve more.
Much more.
And it is not my duty to deal with other people’s failures or lack of self-esteem.
Everybody should deal with their own fuckin’ insecurity.
Especially those men who think that women cannot outsmart or overachieve them.
NOT MY FUCKIN’ ISSUE.
I never looked down on anybody if they achieved less in certain fields. It doesn’t define anyone’s worth.
But if they feel less because of it – it is not my issue.