My Inner Demons
I have this new tattoo.
It looks like my chest was cracked open, and inside the darkness there are my demons. But the wounds are sewn together with colorful ropes and surrounded by colorful patches. I regret not insisting on a pink ribbon on top of it, but I will do it next time.
Because behind my mind-controlled behavior, I am so fuckin' unserious that I write short stories about vegetables thinking that becoming part of a soup is the purpose of their lives.
Yeah, critics would probably project some serious inner meanings onto them and say that these stories are not actually about vegetables and tralala. But in reality, I saw a kohlrabi growing between the rails and somehow started thinking about how it feels there.
No, the rabbit hole doesn't need alcohol/LSD/anything to think about completely idiotic shit.
Now I am sure that I will be crucified for this one. Not like I give a shit, but I find it really funny. I have always enjoyed looking at people's shocked faces, especially when they realize that I have a decent job, I have tons of plants, etc. So I am not a criminal or a tattoo artist.
Whatever.
I love this one.
Everyone who reads my blog and whom I showed this tattoo to said that this is 100% me.
So it seems like this blog shows who I actually am more than I imagined. And it seems like it has started to form the connections I actually need.
And the demons...
I fought them.
I leashed them.
I befriended them.
I am sitting in my inner peace surrounded by them—some are resting their heads on my lap and shoulder, some are sitting next to me, and some are waiting in the corner to destroy whoever wants to enter with bad intentions.
But they are kind little demons. Whoever comes with good intentions and genuine curiosity, they welcome with coffee and cake.
They are my little bitches who tell me not to settle for less than I deserve.
I used to think that these little monsters wanted to kill me, to eat my spark, but in reality, they were the ones trying to protect me. They just weren't tamed, so they bit me and the people around me because, at some point, they didn't know who the friends were and who the foes were.
And honestly?
Now I love my inner demons.
I am the chariot, and they are the horses that get me to the destination I need to reach.
They are my fuel, they are my besties, they are my protectors and my helpers.
I can give them any shape and form I want, and they will happily follow my commands.
Because my fears, my scars, and my demons are just my spark in different shapes and forms. But I am the magician of my life, so they will become whatever I want them to be.
They can be fuel on the darkest days.
They can be determination when I have nothing left to keep me moving.
They can be love when I need to welcome someone else's darkness.
They can be my most creative and unconventional ideas.
They can be bridges between people who don't understand each other but actually have more in common than they ever thought.
I tamed both darkness and light—I dance between them and use them as tools to create something meaningful.
The tools that lead me to who I was always meant to be.
But without this inner darkness, I could never be that person.