My Most Authentic Self
When I say that the truth sets us free, I really mean it.
I have been on an emotional roller coaster since the beginning of the day. Up and down. Up and down.
A huge WTF sign has been flashing in my head.
But now...
I feel so light.
I feel free.
I finally know the deepest truth.
The one I had never even thought about.
The one I had been spiraling around for years—maybe even decades—without ever truly facing it.
I honestly emptied the whole room before realizing that the key I had been looking for was in my pocket the entire time.
But it is what it is.
I am just happy that I finally got through it.
Now this is finally my real new beginning.
Because if I could win this battle, there is really nothing left that can stop me.
The funny thing is that, for the past two weeks, I have felt like I was watching the ending of a film.
The moment when all the loose ends are tied up.
When all the characters, all the situations, step into a new beginning.
A new chapter.
Or even an entirely new story.
That is why I knew the breakthrough was so close.
My old life is trying to call me back.
But I will never go back.
I have reached a point where I can only fall forward.
There is no turning back.
It is simply impossible.
I cannot look at myself—or at my actions—the same way anymore.
I have changed forever.
No...
Those are the wrong words.
My perspective of myself has changed forever.
Because I have always been this person.
I didn't change.
I simply left behind everything that no longer served me and stepped into my truest, most authentic self.
I have always been:
- the free spirit
- the creative one
- the impulsive one
- the analytical one
- the smart one
- the intelligent one
- the one with the weird sense of humor
- The Hanged Man, seeing the world from a different perspective
- the bull-headed one
- the one who walked through her own darkness so she could help others walk through theirs
I have always been whole.
I have simply expanded over time.
Yesterday I watched a video that introduced an interesting perspective.
What if I am the answer to someone's prayer?
What if I had to walk through this difficult path...
To experience the deepest darkness on my own...
So that one day I could help others find their way back to the light?
Looking at how many people I have inspired or helped over the past weeks and months simply by being myself...
It actually makes sense.
Not by saving anyone from their darkness.
Because nobody can save another person.
People can only save themselves.
But through inspiration.
Through destruction.
Through rebuilding.
Entering a room like a hurricane.
Destroying everything.
Then pointing at the chandelier and saying,
"The fucking key has been hanging there the whole time."
Just like I did with my tattoo artist.
Or with an old friend of mine.
It is an interesting perspective.
Not that it will ever become the goal of my life.
No.
The goal of my life is simply to be myself.
To experiment.
To look into the tiniest cracks and see whether there is something there that nobody has ever noticed.
To create.
To meet new people.
To have fun.
To drink Aperol Spritz while watching the sunset with a group of friends.
To research.
To learn.
To experience.
To walk through people's lives like a hurricane.
And if, somewhere along the way, I inspire other people simply by doing all of that...
Then I am more than happy.