Picking Sides
Losing those six months made me realize that the strategy I have used for a long time cannot work anymore.
I cannot keep balancing everything all the time — and it is not even my job to do so.
And this applies to every part of my life.
I have to step up for my dreams and desires. I cannot do it half-heartedly anymore.
And I cannot afford to keep being the mediator from now on.
First and foremost, everybody has to deal with their own personal issues. I am not paid to keep things balanced and deal with other people’s interpersonal problems.
And yes, it will lead to me losing people.
But I don’t give a shit anymore. If someone doesn’t like it, that is their problem.
I am not willing to take part in a fight where I cannot pick a side according to my own values. So if I agree or disagree with both parties on different things, I will simply choose myself and my peace — because that is the best thing I can do.
An intelligent person won’t ask me to pick a side when I am friends with both sides anyway, and will leave me out of it the first time I ask.
And if someone leaves me because of that — that is really not my issue.
I am not a kindergarten teacher. I am not here to deal with this bullshit.
But I also have to pick sides when it comes to long-term conflicts. I have to decide whose side I stand on and act accordingly.
And no, that doesn’t mean I have to accept everything they do or nod along with everything I think is bullshit. Because in most conflicts, it takes two to tango.
But when a long-term conflict affects my own relationships, I eventually have to decide where I stand, whether I like it or not.
I cannot take part in a conflict without affecting it. I cannot stay on the sidelines all the time. I have to show what — and who — is important to me.
Even if it is unpopular.
Even if I don’t agree with their behavior or the way they communicated something.
I need to use my ability to balance things not as a way to avoid picking a side, but as a way to defend what I believe is right in a way that others can understand.
And I have to do it without losing myself.