Self-reflection also killed the cat
Self-reflection also killed the cat.
I am so used to analyzing myself and my mistakes that sometimes I lose sight of what my actual goal is. It is pretty annoying.
So let's get down to business. Because there is a quote in Kung Fu Panda:
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift... that's why they call it the present."
So instead of giving too much importance to past mistakes, it is time to build. Because there is a mysterious but beautiful future waiting for me on the other side of overthinking.
Ency, the builder.
Because this is what I am really good at: creating, building, making the impossible happen.
Don't get me wrong!
I have absolutely no clue how I will make it happen.
But I will.
Because Heaven is a place on Earth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqlMhR1GbxM&list=RDDea0Nzw05UM&index=2
Because the only things I actually need are a direction and the next step.
I have learned everything I needed from my past mistakes, failures, and insecurities to truly move forward and channel all this creative energy.
And create the life I want.
As I said, in the game I am heading to 865. I will have a 1.5–2 month break from active gaming, which I can use for real-life learning and preparing for this new adventure. I can learn how to organize RoW, improve my war-leading skills, and work on planning—things that genuinely excite me.
So yeah, instead of running away from my destiny as a leader, I decided to face it and learn. I think my mind also needs this kind of stimulation. I have spent way too much time doing repetitive tasks, and my brain has become a little rusty.
I started practicing yoga. It helps regulate the chaos in my head and my energy, helps me focus, and helps me build a closer relationship with the forces that are trying to guide me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWm-CztZqsg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0jJi6OI_4o
I also started using tarot cards for guidance. No, I am not asking them what is going to happen, nor am I trying to determine the future. Instead, they help me reflect on which direction I should go or what possible paths are in front of me so I can choose one.
At first, I found myself looking for permission or certainty about the outcome, but that is not how it works. We have our own free will, and no one can determine the future. But the cards help me understand how my actions shape the space around me.
They are a really good tool for understanding situations and possibilities more clearly.
They help me make decisions that align with my goals, my desires, and my inner compass.
They also guide my creative work, help me reflect on my flaws and mistakes, and warn me when I start overthinking.
Sometimes, simply looking at the cards makes my imagination work in a way that helps me move forward.
Another thing I rediscovered about myself is how much movement helps me think. I bought two stress balls. I throw them, squeeze them, and pass them from one hand to the other while I am trying to figure out what I actually want to do. It helps me focus.
Or I dance around the house. That helps too.
These are things I always felt ashamed of, but I don't care anymore.
I am the only one living inside my head, so first of all, I have to be on good terms with myself.
I am still trying to figure out how to bring discipline into my life without burning myself out.
The creative forces inside me are almost always in motion, so I can be active most of the time, but they are difficult to regulate. It is hard to tell myself, "Now I am going to write, no matter what."
So this is something I still have to solve.
But I am pretty sure the solution is not stricter control—it is finding the right framework.
Maybe setting weekly and monthly objectives in different areas?
That way, I give myself a framework, make progress on most of the things that matter, and still give my creativity the freedom it needs.
Hmm... maybe that could work.
I am sure the solution to my problem lies in experimenting and understanding how my own mind works.
Now I am finally beginning to understand what people meant when they said that we are not our minds—we are the conscious awareness, the observer.