Sleepless night again...
I bet I have the shittiest, most troll spirit guide team in the world.
Or the most broken brain.
Pick whichever one resonates with you.
So...
I lay down to sleep because I was genuinely exhausted.
I was just about to fall asleep.
Then I suddenly felt this overwhelming urge that I had to meditate.
And I thought, "Okay, that's actually a good idea."
Meditation has helped a lot with my insomnia.
During the day, it clears my mind and helps me focus.
So I thought...
"Alright, let's do it."
"It will probably help."
And...
Holy shit.
I started thinking about my fucked-up love life.
Seriously?
This is why I had to get up and meditate?
To remind me of my fucked-up love life?
At one o'clock in the morning?
After working my ass off all day with my face hurting like hell?
Oh, God.
Great.
Now I'm fully awake again, and my brain is spinning.
Couldn't this have waited until tomorrow?
The weirdest part is that the truck driver came into my mind.
Out of absolutely fucking nowhere.
That guy was a lot of fun.
He stayed in my thoughts for a long time afterward.
But...
How the hell did he suddenly pop into my head?
It was ten years ago.
We only went on one date.
He was passing through with his truck, decided to take a break, parked it, and walked over just to meet me.
Nothing extraordinary.
He simply happened to be on the road and chose to stop for me.
What the fuck...
Why did I suddenly remember him?
I don't think I had thought about him for...
Nine years?
Why was this suddenly so important at one in the morning?
I am honestly stunned.
Just sitting here in complete confusion.
He wasn't rich.
He wasn't incredibly attractive.
He wasn't stupid, but he wasn't the smartest guy either.
So what the actual fuck made me remember him after ten years?
At one in the morning.
When I was so tired I was practically falling asleep.
Maybe...
It was the way he made me feel important.
He literally changed his route and took a break just to meet me.
He made a sacrifice for me.
And we had never even met before.
And his free spirit.
I think that was it.
I always wanted to be free the way he was.
Looking back...
I think that if he had asked me, I would have climbed into that truck exactly as I was and never looked back.
It is interesting how I feel that same urge now.
To get into a car.
Take only what fits inside.
And just...
Go.
It isn't really him that I remembered.
It is the freedom he symbolized.
Haha...
Maybe deep down I really am waiting for that six-foot tattooed man...
To pull up, tell me to get in the car, and leave everything behind.
Having absolutely no idea where the fuck we're going.
Or why.
Just...
Go.
Start over somewhere else.
Freedom.
With someone whose kind of crazy matches mine.
Or alone.
Or with a bunch of idiots traveling together in a caravan.
A physical new beginning.
Somewhere out there.
In the unknown.