Someone save me...
Have you ever cried because you were scared as hell?
I do it all the time.
Whenever I know I am about to do something I have to do, but I am terrified...
I cry.
Then I laugh.
Then I cry again.
Then I laugh at myself again.
Like an idiot, honestly.
That has been my emotional state ever since I wrote down this whole making-videos thing.
I KNOW I have to do it.
I know I don't really have another reasonable option.
But...
Hell.
Fuck.
Whatever.
I am scared.
I think I would rather come face to face with a pride of lions.
They are more predictable.
Because once I start doing this...
There is no going back.
I will be out there.
People will see me.
And they will know that...
I have no fucking clue what I am doing.
I want a hug.
A long hug.
And a forehead kiss.
And someone telling me,
"You can do this."
Really.
Oh my God.
Hiding inside my fucking shell is so much easier.
And so much less scary.
Oh my God.
I don't even know what those videos should be about.
Probably storytelling.
Maybe I should simply tell stories.
How lucky I am that I don't have to do it right now because I can barely talk after having my tooth removed.
How unlucky I am that this also gives me days to spiral around all of this before I actually do something.
I really need a hug.
I am fucking scared.
Oh God...
Someone really should protect me from myself and from my own brain at this point.
Why did I end up with dreams like these instead of simply wanting a quiet nine-to-five job and a peaceful life?
Why do I always want to do things that are so terribly uncomfortable?
Oh my goodness...
I am really about to cry.