That Positive Fuel
Honestly, today I ran out of positive fuel.
Seriously.
I carried on for so long and kept going with a really positive, "I will get this shit done" attitude that I finally got tired.
I got lucky today because one of my problems was solved in a very unexpected way, which made me really happy and grateful.
But it seems like that small piece of luck just wasn't enough to keep me in a good mood.
Well, sometimes we all get tired, I guess.
And as I move forward, and as I see the path ahead of me more and more clearly, everything somehow seems harder and more impossible to achieve.
I lost a lot of things.
And I still need to gain a lot of things.
To make all of this happen.
And honestly, right now it feels unmanageable.
I have no clue how I will afford these things or how I will make them happen.
No, I am not giving up.
I just wanted to show that sometimes we all get tired.
Sometimes we all feel stuck and scared.
And even those who see the future as bright and trust in themselves and their own path sometimes get tired.
And vulnerable.
Behind the smile and the "Fuck it, I'll do it anyway" attitude, there are countless questions and a lot of uncertainty.
No clue how I am going to solve any of it.
Whatever.
I don't need to know everything.
I am sure that, when the time comes, all the puzzle pieces will come together.
But I am also allowed to feel discouraged, disheartened, and sad.
While I keep going.