That Trallala
My anxiety and overthinking lost their power over me when I started to look at them as a challenge.
I mean, I told ya' before that I am not my mind but the observer who watches it.
My mind tries to play tricks on me, but it has no power over me unless I give it that power.
So at this point, this whole thing has become like a game of chess.
I observe what my mind tries to make me believe. How it wants to disrupt me. How it tries to make me believe that small things are so frightening that I should hide. And run back to my old self.
It tries to challenge me.
I haven’t mastered this game of chess yet. I am still in the phase where I respond to its moves. But slowly I am learning to predict them.
Sooner or later, I will be able to block them before they happen. Because I observe, I learn. I examine how my body reacts to certain situations. And to uncertainty.
I know that sooner or later it will become a boring game, just like when I pick up a pencil and start to write.
My mind is a tool, just like that pencil, only with a few more challenges. As if that pencil sometimes wanted to jump out of my hand and run around the house singing, "Trallalala." It is annoying, but harmless.
All my fears, all the obstacles in front of me, are just creations of my mind. It wants me to believe that it is better to sit on my ass because this is comfortable, this is safe, this is where I am meant to be. It wants to protect my heart from breaking again. From disappointment. From the people who won’t understand me.
But my heart is made of spiderweb. It can be squeezed, it can be hurt, but it is unbreakable. And even after the biggest pains and disappointments of my life, it wants to start over again and again.
It doesn’t need to be protected through self-imprisonment. It needs to be protected by better choices, by making it work together with my mind to make the best decisions. Decisions led by my heart, refined by my mind, and orchestrated by me.