The Drive to Move on
The realization that I basically have nothing to lose gave me new motivation to get out of here.
Everything was an illusion – except my power.
That is an undeniable force, and once I finally stop using it to keep myself in survival mode and try to look after everyone’s soul, I can use it for what it was meant for.
Because what could I achieve in 22 days?
I read a book about playwriting.
I wrote the first draft of my play.
I laid down the foundation of the new server I want to build and, at the same time, the foundation of the community I always wanted to have.
I started to design an escape room mobile game.
I started a new project about a tarot card deck.
All while facing and trying to survive some even deeper shit, watching the remains of my life collapse.
Oh, yeah, and I have a job too.
So the question is – what can I achieve if, instead of watching the collapse of my life and even hitting it with a baseball bat, I focus all my energy on creating?
Creating something that lasts.
Creating the foundation of my oeuvre.
Creating my escape route from this misery.
Creating the foundation of my doctoral programme and my new life as Steve Irvin.
Yesterday, someone asked a really nice question:
„You need to decide right now what you're building: a community or an in-game psych ward."
For me, the right answer is:
Why not both?
At the moment, I don’t think there is a place on this earth where I can fully fit in and feel comfortable.
For a long time, I thought it was my destiny, that I would go in and out of communities, take what I can, and move on later.
But now I see a different path ahead: I have everything I need to create the community I belong to.
For broken, unhinged souls like me.