The Enviroment
It is interesting how much emotional satisfaction creating brings me again.
And that I am finally no longer ashamed to do it in the way that actually works for me.
I mean: listening to music, dancing, and reading this book at the same time. And whenever I have a new idea, I come here, sit down, and write it down.
Using this blog as a mental trash bin and as a draft is also amazing. It helps me stay locked in and ride my creative flow.
Knowing that I will publish it also creates a little bit of pressure that motivates me. It almost feels like someone is sitting next to me in this room, watching whether I am actually working. I would be ashamed if I spent all my time watching TikTok videos instead of creating...
I know that what I am writing is chaotic as hell, but it doesn't matter.
Whoever is interested in this mental trash bin probably enjoys this inner chaos. And maybe even understands it.
Sooo, let's get down to business.
Before jumping to the other characters, there is another interesting but very important force to think about:
The environment.
I mean, there are so many outside forces that shape our lives: where we live, what happens around us, and what happens globally. The historical environment and other people's decisions influence us whether we like it or not.
Let's be honest, there is one thing that is permanent in this life: change.
And we either adapt or die.
We cannot dodge it.
So, 2026, Budapest, Hungary.
Outside forces: Governmental changes.
External pressures before the main character's mental breakdown:
- Her previous job demanded so much from her that she barely had any time for herself anymore. She wasn't even able to go on vacation.
- Her husband wanted to have children sooner than they had agreed and kept putting pressure on her.
- She was also studying at university to earn the degree she needed for a promotion.
- At the same time, all the responsibilities at home fell on her shoulders.
- She also had to take care of her mother, who was showing the early signs of dementia.
- Family patterns: the women in her family were always expected to hold the family together, organize family gatherings, and put everyone else's needs before their own.
- Undiagnosed AuDHD: because it went undiagnosed, she had to suppress everything that truly made her who she was throughout her entire life. Social expectations forced her to mask constantly.
These outside forces lead her to change to a less stressful job and pause her university studies for a while, but all the other pressures remain throughout the story.
This is the point where the main character is forced to rethink her entire life and her identity.
- The diagnosis changes the way she sees herself, but at first she tells almost no one because she feels ashamed.
As a foundation, I think this will do. I will probably change parts of it as I continue writing.