The Person in the Mirror
To achieve something I haven't achieved before, I have to become someone I don't even recognize in the mirror.
This is why I still struggle between two worlds: my old life and my new one.
My old personality is still calling me back. My old insecurities are trying to crawl back in and ruin everything I have already achieved.
Questioning my judgment.
Questioning my abilities.
Questioning my personality.
Questioning my talents.
Questioning my goals.
Questioning whether anything I have been working on for the past two and a half months even matters when there are no achievements that can be measured.
Questioning whether I should step out of my comfort zone.
But this is not the time to step back.
Not right before that fuckin' breakthrough.
It is always darkest before the dawn.
And no, I cannot let my old self crawl back in—I've had enough of this bullshit for one lifetime.
It is time to transform to the point where I cannot recognize myself in the mirror.
Because I can be whoever I want to be.
And it is time to ask myself again:
Who do I want to be?
The one who doesn't have any more fucks to give.
The one who creates weird art and doesn't give a shit if people are terrified by the fact that I have bat and frog skulls in my closet.
The one who isn't looking for revenge, but if she gets the chance, she will step on the faces of those who betrayed her.
The one who questions every single status quo and just laughs at the ones crying about it.
The one who, if someone steps over her boundaries, steps on their faces.
The one who finally loses the excess weight that has always bothered her. Not because of what others will think, but because of how she wants to feel.
The one who doesn't overthink anymore because she knows she can deal with every single piece of shit life throws at her.
The one who reads literature in English every single day to improve. To become the narrative designer she wants to be.
The one who sees opportunity in an ocean of no's and rejections.
It is time to shift my focus from who I was before, what wounds and scars I carry, and how they shaped me—to who I am supposed to be.
And to shift the question from:
Can I make it happen?
To:
How will I make it happen?