The Reckoning
Rage.
Anger.
So deep it could destroy the world.
Thirty-two fuckin’ years of rage.
Thirty-two fuckin’ years of anger.
It is time for some reckoning.
It is time for something to finally die.
And that is this version of me.
The version of me that was stuck between two worlds.
The version of me that let herself get stuck between loved ones who were both wrong.
It is time to see the truth for what it is – and those who cannot handle it can leave my life forever.
The version of me that lost her own fuckin’ voice in the cacophony.
The version of me that thought she had to choose between her intellectual, academic side with its deep desire for knowledge and the provocative, innovative, visionary leader version of herself.
The version of me that got stuck between worlds: not choosing, not integrating, just floating between the two.
This version of myself has to die now.
Along with this fuckin’ anger and rage.
Who the fuck is this world to tell me who I can be?
Who the fuck are people to dare tell me who I can be?
These two sides of me were always fuckin’ one.
Same roots, same mind, same identity.
Why the actual fuck should I choose between the two when I am both? And this way, I am whole.
I mean, which one of my limbs would you cut off just to make me fit into the world?
Fuck this bullshit.
And fuck everybody who wanted to put me in a box.
I am both.
This fuckin’ Rabbit Hole is deep enough to hold both, and I will never let anyone question it again.
I have everything I need to become the person I want to be. And to fulfill both sides of myself.
And no one will ever fuckin’ tell me to choose again.
I will decide what I want.
Everybody else can just fuck off.
If I am too much – I hope they can find someone less.