The Story Behind Leaving 773
I think I owe an explanation to all of my readers who were part of my journey in 773—how I ended up leaving the server I helped build.
Let me be clear: I never wanted to be a leader, especially not on my own.
I wasn't ready for a leadership position like that, particularly not alone. I didn't have the knowledge or the experience I needed, and I was fully aware of it.
Me becoming R5 was an accident. I simply went with the flow.
My former co-leader wanted to help me find myself again after an extremely difficult period in my life.
And I was never supposed to do it alone.
I was promised help, guidance, and mentoring. I was told I would get everything I needed to build something meaningful there.
In the end, no one remained but me.
I wanted to leave too, but I was encouraged to stay because we had people who had migrated to the server mid-season and couldn't leave. So I stayed and tried my best to make something happen.
I valued the people there. I felt responsible for them, and I was emotionally attached to the server.
So I stayed for another season while my real life was slowly falling apart.
During that time, I discovered many of my own strengths, and there were aspects of leadership that I genuinely started to enjoy. I had fun. I rediscovered parts of myself.
But I never had the team I needed to make things work properly.
I became the person who had to solve everything, who always had to be available, and eventually that became something I neither wanted nor was able to keep doing.
Leadership stopped being about building something.
It became a burden.
A constant fight instead of creation.
At the same time, my real life completely fell apart. My plans, my dreams—they all shattered. I broke, and I needed to rebuild myself.
So I quit.
Then someone told me that 773 would fall apart if I left.
So I came back.
Because I didn't want that to happen.
And to be fair, I did receive much more help after returning. But by then, I was already exhausted and completely burned out.
I desperately wanted to step down as R5.
I wasn't enjoying the game anymore.
Eventually, I got the opportunity to leave because my former co-leaders decided they wanted to try building something there themselves.
And I trusted them.
I still do.
So I took the chance to put down a burden that was never meant to be mine in the first place—a burden I picked up simply because no one else did.
That doesn't mean I didn't love the people there.
It doesn't mean I'm not proud of what we built.
And it certainly doesn't mean I don't grieve the incredible amount of work, time, and money I invested in that server.
Because I do.
Very much.
But the longer you stay on a train that's taking you in the wrong direction, the more expensive it becomes to turn back.
At the beginning, I was excited because co-creating something was exactly what I wanted to do, even if becoming R5 had never been my dream.
I wanted to build something meaningful.
Something fun.
Something great.
But after everyone left at the first real hardships, and because of circumstances outside my control, I couldn't replace the knowledge, the experience, or the support that disappeared with them.
The whole thing slowly turned into a job.
An unpaid job.
Eventually, I had to choose between my own mental health, my real-life goals, and a server that was, in the end, just a game.
I spent countless sleepless nights thinking about that decision.
I searched for solutions for a very long time.
But I couldn't find any.
So I think I made the right decision, even if my heart is still a little broken.
Now I am free.
Free to learn.
Free to grow.
Free to have fun again.
Because that's what a game is supposed to be.
I had already taken on far more responsibility than I ever should have.
Not everything is my responsibility.
And just because I chose a path a long time ago doesn't mean I have to keep choosing it forever.