Time to Tidy Up
I need to start weeding people out of my life.
Everybody who is draining me, who bores me, who doesn’t pour into my cup the way I pour into theirs.
Also, I got a very interesting love offer not so long ago that made me think.
From a man who is so at peace with himself that I know, no matter what, he would be able to hold my feelings.
Well, actually, he would be happy to hold not only my happy, bright feelings but the difficult ones too. The hard ones.
Someone who could be held accountable for his actions.
Who would actually worship me in a way that he wouldn’t lose himself in it.
And honestly, it would come with a very interesting journey with a lot of uncertainty but also a lot of fun.
I seriously thought about where it would lead. It would be interesting, pretty far outside my comfort zone, but it could be fruitful.
I am just unsure if I ever want to let a man into my life again, honestly.
After all the heartbreak, sadness, and lies. All the men who couldn’t hold me, who couldn’t face themselves.
I am fine by myself. I don’t want to spend my life trying to fix someone.
Yeah, I know, not everybody is the same. But it seems like somehow I always choose them.
And honestly, my heart is not a playground.
Not a place to experiment. Not a place for compromises that drain me.
Yeah, I am willing to heal, to change in certain ways, give up some habits, etc., because relationships require that.
But I will never change myself so fundamentally that I have to apologize for my existence, for the way I want to live.
Where I have to apologize for my tattoos, for my life choices, for my curiosity, for my free spirit.
Especially for my tattoos.
I don’t even know why I ever let anyone belittle me because of them.
Fuck them all, really.
I don’t care about anyone’s insecurities anymore.