Transforming Overthinking into Overcreating
Now that I have finally faced my final boss...
It is time to step on it and walk straight through it.
Now I know what I am facing, and I believe that my bull-headed attitude and hyperfocus will get me through it.
With some headaches.
Sleepless nights.
Crying in the corner.
But I will make it.
I just have to be aware enough to recognize whether a setback comes from genuinely being tired and needing a break, or from my fear of success.
One of the most important things I can do is keep myself busy.
Transform overthinking into overcreating.
Instead of focusing on what will happen after the breakthrough, I have to focus only on reaching the point right before it.
There, I will give myself a little time to vent, to cry, to let the fear flow through my body instead of trying to hide it.
And then...
Do it.
Freefall.
And believe that I can fly.
I can overcome whatever comes after.
Fear is only a wall of illusion.
It seems solid.
It seems heavy.
It seems unbreakable.
But at the end of the day, it is nothing more than a fancy fog.
The less you hide from it, the less power it has.
Sooo...
I ordered some books to keep my mind busy enough that I won't have time to think about stupid shit.
To overanalyze everything.
Just go in blindfolded and make things happen.
- A narratológia mint a műelemzés eszköze by Zoltán Abádi Nagy
- Hogyan írjunk regényt? by Mario Vargas Llosa and Miguel de Unamuno
- Video Game Storytelling
- The Art of Game Design
- The Storyteller's Secret
- And a few others.
I think this will be enough, at least for a while, to keep my mind busy enough not to obsess over the outcome.
I am focusing on the road.
On the journey.
I have always wanted to go on a journey where I simply jump onto the next train and see where it takes me.
Well...
That is exactly what I am going to do now.
Not focus on the destination.
But on the journey.
That way, everything feels less frightening and much more fun.
Honestly, I would be lying if I said I was ready to step into the never-ending flow of storytelling and become one with it.
To show myself.
To truly be myself.
I am absolutely not.
I am scared as fuck.
Behind my self-confidence and my deep belief that I am fully capable of making my dreams come true...
There is still a scared little girl who wants to hide in the corner.
But...
No risk.
No gain.