Unshakable or Stuck?
I have just realized that there is another reason I seem more impulsive than I actually am.
I can sit on an idea, a dream, or a plan for weeks, months, or even years, appearing completely unshakable.
But the truth is, I'm not unshakable—I am stuck.
Until I encounter an outside influence that finally flips the coin and allows me to see the whole thing from a different perspective.
This happened to me yesterday.
The way I imagined my life was simple: build the career I want first, and once it is settled, go to university.
Buuut...
What if everything I actually need for that career lies within the doctoral program I want to apply for? The connections. The opportunities. A place where I can show who I am and probably be appreciated for it.
Many universities even offer scholarships...
Aaand...
The second question is: how much am I really attached to my original plan—Italy?
Am I sure that's the only place where I can be happy, or is it simply what Italy symbolizes?
Can I live the life I want in a different country?
I can.
Letting go isn't easy, but... yes.
Especially because, if I want my dreams to happen, an English-speaking country would suit me much better. My English is already decent. I still have a lot to improve, but the foundation is solid. And if I want to enter a creative field, it is much more realistic to do so in an English-speaking country.
So the scales started to balance.
Then another question appeared.
How much do I actually want to stay in the European Union?
Is it because I truly believe it's the best place in the world, or because I fear the unknown?
I fear the unknown.
Why not New Zealand?
Why not Australia?
Why not somewhere in Africa?
Why do I need to stay here when the world is so big and full of endless possibilities?
Different doesn't mean worse.
So now I see my future from a completely different perspective, one that made me let go of my original expectations.
I had caged myself by holding on to an idea that would probably have made my life harder instead of easier.
And because of that, this part of my life has finally started moving again.
Now I can finally see a direction I can actually walk toward.