Weeding Out is The Easiest Part
I am waiting for some clarifying conversations over the coming weeks.
They won’t be easy or enjoyable conversations. Not at all.
And I know exactly how my past self would react. Honestly, when I think about it, it’s trying to crawl back like some stinky old ghoul with no legs.
I don’t want to show up in those conversations the way I used to.
I don’t want to be offensive or defensive anymore. I don’t want to overexplain myself, and I don’t want to hurt the other people involved either.
But then, okay. I know how I don’t want to act.
The real question is: how do I want to?
Because something will inevitably fill that void, so I’d rather think it through. And if I write it down, it becomes even more real.
I’ve decided to listen.
I will keep my mouth shut. Really. I’ll even try to regulate my facial expressions, because sometimes they can be worse than anything I could say.
I will listen to what the other people have to say. And I will ask questions whenever I need to.
I won’t assume the worst. That’s another important thing that will require conscious effort. I’ve decided that I will think the best of people until they prove me wrong. So if I hear something that feels out of character, I will ask. I will assume it’s a misunderstanding before I assume bad intentions.
I will be curious.
And I will be warm and calm, grounded in my own confidence and inner peace. I won’t let my wounds speak for me anymore. I have my own voice. I don’t need theirs.
At the same time, I will set my boundaries. Not with swords, but with clarity.
And I will be brutally honest. Not cruel—just honest. Even if I know it might hurt. I won’t hide my feelings or my pain just to protect the other people involved anymore. But I also won’t try to destroy them or deliberately cause them pain.
I will be honest about my needs and my wants, too, even when it feels uncomfortable. I won’t apologize for taking up space anymore.
And I won’t see these conversations as fights where someone has to win, but as opportunities to cooperate—hopefully leading to clarity, honesty, trust, and, in the end, a real solution.
That’s why I said the hardest part isn’t the weeding out. It’s figuring out what to fill the empty space with.